


Alexander the Cat Goes to D.C.

by josephina_x



Series: Cats and Dolls [2]
Category: Smallville, Smallville Season 11 (Comics)
Genre: (and lack thereof), (as usual -le sigh I know-), Animal Transformation, Body Horror, Canonical Character Death, Clones, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Magic, No Sex, Reincarnation, pre-Clex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-10 17:32:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josephina_x/pseuds/josephina_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lana's on the warpath, and Lex has a plan. ...to stay out of the way, because Clark wants to keep him under the radar. So, what's a cat to do, but spend some time with Clark's extended family?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Alexander the Cat Goes to D.C.  
> Author: [josephina_x](http://josephina-x.livejournal.com)  
> Fandom: Smallville, Smallville Season 11  
> Pairing: pre-Clex  
> Rating: R (rating for language)  
> Spoilers: general for season 11 through the third arc (Haunted); fic starts a bit after Haunted ends  
> Word count: ???+  
> Summary: Lana's on the warpath, and Lex has a plan. ...to stay out of the way, because Clark wants to keep him under the radar. So, what's a cat to do, but spend some time with Clark's extended family?  
> Warnings: Un-beta'd.  
> Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.  
> Comments: Yes, please! :)  
> Author's Note: This fic picks up more or less where the first one ended.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Previously:

Lex came back as a housecat in his tenth feline-reincarnation cycle, the last one he'd had remaining to him from the first spell he'd paid Zatanna to perform on him just before he'd gone off to confront Kal-El in the Arctic.

His first "death" had come to him in the Arctic, a la crystalline ice fortress falling in on his head. After that, it had only taken him six months, on the run from a murderous Lana Lang literally burning her way through all of them, to be down to his very last one.

The next few years had been... interesting. That was a word for it, perhaps.

He'd both started and ended his tenth time as a cat spending it mainly with one Clark Kent. The middle years... he didn't really like to think about.

Zatanna had finally touched base with Otis after the six months Lex had spent in Metropolis, once Otis had known he was around again. Otis had known about when he'd shown up as a cat this time, and a few others prior, but not how many lives Lex had gone through and when. Zatanna had known how many lives Lex had gone through, being the only one who could turn him human again after each reincarnation took hold post-death, but not when they had happened or how long he'd spent as a cat in each of them. Once the two of them had compared notes...

Well, Otis had taken it upon himself to help Zatanna abduct him, and she'd transformed him back to a human, post-haste -- not that Lex blamed either of them, given the consequences he'd been risking. The fallout from that had been mixed: Lex now had another ten "lives" to work off of from the new spellcasting he'd commissioned from her, but his clone-self knew he was alive, and both Lois and Clark knew about the cat-reincarnation spell. ...the first one, anyway, perhaps. He wasn't entirely sure whether either of them had figured out _everything_ , though, or just that he'd been the cat recently living with them for the last six months or so, and he wasn't about to ask.

Regardless, Lois was keeping her mouth shut about it, and so was Clark. Lex had somehow managed to split them up -- by accident no less -- which did make him feel mildly guilty about the whole situation, just not enough to do something about it. For the moment, Lois was living alone, and Lex was living with Clark as a very human roommate in the middle of Suicide Slums.

That last point was the stalemate that had Lex wondering about his own sanity. Clark was obviously keeping an eye out for any shenanigans that Lex might wish to try, given that he was human again and the League was out and about and doing things he neither liked nor agreed with. Plus, there was that longstanding feud between him and Oliver. Lex also could not leave their small apartment, or even open the curtains, without fear of being spotted and recognized, and having the Justice League descend on his head shortly thereafter.

Yet, oddly enough, he did not feel particularly constrained by his curtailed movements, nor did he feel as though Clark was his jailer -- both of which were true in a very real sense when Lex objectively looked at the facts of his current living arrangement. ...Perhaps his extended time as a cat really had mellowed him out somewhat?

So Lex spent his days cooking and cleaning in the apartment, giving Clark shopping lists that included both books and grocery items, and surfing the web. Sometimes he ordered things using his own funds and had them delivered to their doorstep, but more often he found himself relying on Clark to handle picking up the more esoteric items in their countries of origins to forgo the additional mail charges and shipping delays, which Clark seemed perfectly happy to do.

Lex kept himself busy learning new things, and didn't worry too much about the state of affairs of the world otherwise. In retrospect, it was a little odd that his world had essentially narrowed to their small shared apartment, with anything outside of it becoming largely incidental in not having much impact on him. Maybe he should have felt more worried when he simply couldn't summon the energy to care much about whatever responsibilities he might have left at odd ends outside of it.

But the most negativity he seemed able to feel these days was an odd sort of restlessless at those infrequent times when there was something he needed that he did not have, and he had to rely on Clark to acquire it because he could not leave himself. ...or rather, _should_ not, and thus did not. Other days he felt a modicrum of unease at how easily he had given up his ties to his previous life, but it never lasted long. There were so many interesting things to read and think about and watch and learn...

None of which he'd ever really had the time to do before. He even took up playing the piano again.

The only thing he really missed was being able to lie out in the sun.

...and the first time he finally voiced that to Clark, in a resigned aside without much thought, Lex had found himself whisked away to a deserted island out in the middle of nowhere in short order.

Given what had happened to him the last time he'd been on a small tropical island with sandy beaches and palm trees under a bright, warm sun, he should have been completely out of his skull with panic and anger and fear.

...in theory, anyway. In _practice_ , Clark was **there** , nearby, within sight at all times, and there had been sunscreen and beach towels and plenty of bottled water to drink, and a picnic basket of snacks to eat. They'd laid out on the beach and sunbathed for a good couple of hours, and Lex had been left wondering why he hadn't said anything earlier, when he was capable of the lazy, absent thought. Within a frightingly short period of time, Lex was so completely relaxed he was practically practically purring from the glorious sunlight beating down on him, the heat slowly sinking into his skin that had nothing to do with tempermental building furnaces in the middle of a city in the throes of a frigid Kansas winter.

And when Clark's head had perked up, and he'd gotten _that look_ , the grim one that meant trouble somewhere that required a Superman's help...

...Clark had been considerate enough to whisk him right back to the apartment first, rather than leave him alone out in the middle of god-knew-where, with no idea what was going on or when Clark might be back.

That wasn't a problem Lex had in the apartment, where he could just walk into the living room, flop down on the couch, turn on the TV, and click over to the local newsstation and watch to find out, which he ended up doing on a fairly regular basis, in fact.

This state of affairs persisted for some time in a somewhat stable fashion, and Lex didn't really have any problem with things as they stood, other than some infrequent and vague misgivings that he really couldn't put his finger on.

Unfortunately, this routine was shattered into little tiny pieces when Lana heard that Lex -- him, the original, not just his clone -- was alive and well and living somewhere in the outskirts of Metropolis, and she came back looking for blood.

But that is another story.

\--This is that story.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	2. Chapter 2

~*~*~*~*~*~

"No," said Zatanna. "Absolutely not."

Lex blinked up at her from the couch. "Why not?" he asked, frowning. It had seemed like a perfectly reasonable request to him.

"You've just spent _four years straight_ as a cat!" Zatanna told him, pacing back and forth in the apartment's living room. "Why on earth would you want me to toss a shapeshifting spell over you and turn you _back_ into a cat again?"

"You said it yourself -- Lana doesn't know about your involvement," Lex said. "And she doesn't know about my transformations," he added. "If you transform me, and I go and--"

"--You know," Zatanna interrupted, summoning an armchair in a puff of smoke and falling into it, "when you first called me, I thought, 'hey, it's about time, I was wondering how long it was going to take him to be able to get around whatever restrictions Clark had used on him,' that you'd finally gotten free of," Zatanna said. "Like, oh, chaining you to the wall, no electronics in the same building, that sort of thing, not... _this_." She frowned, waving her hand to encompass the apartment space, which wasn't large, but was certainly spacious within the budget Clark could afford. It wasn't especially opulent either, but it was certainly comfortable enough within their combined budgets without making Clark twitchy about how much Lex was spending out of his own funds on things.

Zatanna propped her head on her fists, leaning forward. "When I got your message, I'd thought you were wanting to haggle with me for an amulet or two with a longer-lasting disguise charm, or something, not..." she trailed off and lifted her head in alarm.

Lex blinked at her.

"Oh my god," Zatanna said, staring at him, and then leaning back in her chair away from him like he had something catching. "It didn't even _occur_ to you. You didn't even _think_ of calling me for a disguise charm so you could go outside whenever you wanted without being recognized." The magician looked completely freaked out.

 _Oh,_ Lex thought. She was right -- it hadn't occurred to him.

"It... didn't seem all that important," said Lex. "I didn't really have a... pressing need..." he trailed off as her horrified look only grew more horrified.

"'A pressing need'," she repeated hollowly.

Lex felt slightly uneasy. "Yes," he said tentatively. "Clark gets me anything that I need, or want, so--"

"--how much time did you spend indoors as a cat this time?" Zatanna asked him, her voice a little high and strained.

"...Most of it," said Lex. "At least, I did when I was here," he corrected himself. "When on the farm I technically spent it in the barn, or out in the fields, not the house." He frowned. "I spent most of it in the barn." He did a few quick calculations in his head. "I suppose it was close to at least three-and-a-half of the four years," he admitted. Any time he hadn't spent with Clark at the beginning he'd spent with Otis in the middle -- well, except for... "Things were easier when I had someone human watching my back, helping take care of things."

"Oh fuck," Zatanna said, sitting back and scrubbing her face with her palms. "Fuck fuck fuck."

"...What's wrong?" Lex said, leaning forward. The magician usually wasn't serious about anything. If there was something that had Zatanna worried--

"Shit shit shit," Zatanna muttered into her hands, then reached up and ran her fingers through her hair. " _Idiot_ ," she sighed out. "You _idiot_." She finally looked up at him. "Damn it, _this is not my fault_."

Lex frowned at her.

"You've lived about twenty-seven years as a human, out of an expected lifespan of seventy-five. You've lived nearly four years as a cat, and housecats usually don't live much past twelve." Zatanna paused, then rolled her eyes in exasperation when Lex wasn't getting it right away.

"You've lived about one-third of a human's natural lifespan as a human, and one-third of a cat's natural lifespan as a cat," she told him. "You've got two conflicting sets of life experience as two different species for proportionally the same amount of time." She glared at him like she wanted to shake him. "And we're sitting here wondering why you're acting a little differently?!"

Lex frowned at her uneasily. "You said that..."

"--That about a four year stretch as a cat was the _absolute outer limit_ of how long the spell could keep your _memories_ from degrading," Zatanna said. "I also told you that you shouldn't spend more than a couple months as any sort of cat, because there were other side effects that might start to change you!" she reminded him dourly, with a frustrated 'you didn't listen to me' glare.

"I..." Lex said. He wasn't sure what to think.

He rethought a few things that he hadn't really grasped as a _problem_ before.

"I'm not _lazy_..." he said finally, unsure of whether he ought to be offended at her implication.

"No," Zatanna agreed, looking around at the half-ton of **stuff** that had been keeping him occuppied. "But you're not _ambitious_ anymore, either." She grimaced. "Not like you used to be." She sighed and collapsed back in her chair. "Damnit, I should've noticed it at the damn warehouse," she muttered, "with you more interested in 'ear scratches' and not even arguing with me about how you'd get _wherever_ ," she waved a hand, "without getting noticed with no disguise charm."

Lex frowned at her. "You were tired," he said. "More tired than I'd ever seen you to be. I didn't want you attempting and overextending if you really couldn't do it. I expect you know your own limits." He sighed, shifted into a more comfortable position, and with an elbow on the armrest held his head up on a fist. "Asking you to help me leave the premises would have just caused you more problems and possibly gotten you exposed. Even if people hadn't seen us leaving together, they certainly would have noticed if you'd dropped me off in a more populated area for my own access to ground transportation. People definitely would have noticed if you'd taken such a large detour to take me where I wanted to go instead of heading on to California, where your next gig was."

"Oh, sure, you make that sound reasonable," said Zatanna. "But I know you," she said waggling a finger at him, with a spark in her eye. "If you want something, you go after it."

"And when it's not that important, I don't," he told her, frowning. "When all's said and done, I ended up back in Clark's custody just fine." Then he peered at her carefully. "Do you really believe that I'd have risked exposing you just because getting back to Metropolis on my own would have inconvenienced me a bit?"

"Were you _trying_ to get grabbed by your clone?" she asked him dubiously. "Because that seems like a very dumb thing to do."

Lex gave her a look. "No," he admitted. "And I'm not entirely sure I want to know when or how you heard about that." He generally did not try to expose other people's sources unless there was a very pressing need, or he did not trust the source. Word got around. The last thing anyone needed was shuttered lines of communication, ending in someone who once might have been a contact becoming suddenly less-than-helpful. ...or dead. Zatanna's sources also generally tended to be of the more supernatural type, and weren't the sort of people Lex wanted to cross unless he absolutely had to.

He paused. "...That is, unless you think that Lana might have heard of it the same way. Knowing _how_ she found out about me being in Metropolis alive and well, and _what_ exactly she knows, is just as important as knowing _that_ she knows."

Zatanna shook her head. "Really doubt she'd have heard it the way I did," she said with a quirky smile.

Lex blew out a breath.

"...but you _were_ nabbed by Luthor's goons off the street," Zatanna continued. "And that means that you were seen in Vegas."

"That doesn't explain why the rumor is that I'm in Metropolis," he said.

"Luthor didn't leave Metropolis; stands to reason you were brought to him," Zatanna said, getting into the game with a smile.

"That doesn't explain why the rumor is that I'm 'living on the outskirts' of the city," Lex said frustratedly. "If the start of it was that I'd been grabbed by Luthor, then it stands to reason that he wouldn't just let me walk away. He... I... have a reputation for being ruthless about these sorts of things."

"Yes, but you're **you** ," Zatanna pointed out with a grin. "You _also_ have a reputation for beating the odds. And you are the wilier and more cunning original, after all."

"Yes, true, but it doesn't make sense that I'd have gotten away somehow," Lex said.

"Okay, well, how _did_ you get out, then, by the way?" Zatanna asked him, curious.

"Called for Clark," Lex said succinctly. "Well, 'Superman,' technically."

Zatanna covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. "Could you have gotten out wthout doing that?"

Lex sighed. "If I'd had to." He wouldn't have wanted to ruin his clone's brain, or force Otis to choose between them, but...

No. He was never going to allow himself to be locked up again. Not for any length of time.

"Then maybe there's something to that nasty old 'rumor' after all," Zatanna smiled.

"Yes, but that _still_ doesn't explain why the rumor is that I'm on the 'outskirts' of the city," Lex said, running a hand over his head. "There's no reason for me to hide," he pointed out. "Not one that anyone but the four of us," -- _you, me, Lois, and Clark_ \-- "know about, and certainly not _here_. --I could just as easily have holed myself up in the lap of luxury in the middle of the city," he pointed out. "The staff there would be far easier to pay off to keep quiet, too, _and_ they'd stay bought." _Our 'neighbors' around here wouldn't be, if ever I'm spotted._

"Then why don't you?" Zatanna said, perking up.

"Because I don't _want_ to," said Lex, feeling a little exasperated. "Clark likes knowing where I am and what I'm doing. It's easier just letting him do it, because he's more relaxed about everything when he does. I don't like getting into fights with him over stupid, unwinnable things that we'll never agree on," he admitted, "I never have. If living in the same apartment and letting him take care of me and keep on thinking that letting him do this means I'm staying out of trouble... if that's what it takes for a little peace with him, I'm fine with that."

" _Are_ you staying out of trouble?" Zatanna asked, curious.

"Define 'trouble'," Lex shot back cooly with a long look, but at her grin, he sighed and deflated a little. "Mostly, yes," he admitted. "I'm not trying to take over LexCorp... --or Queen Industries, or Wayne Industries," he rattled off in succession, "nor am I trying to sabotage them, actively or passively. I haven't been wandering the streets at odd hours while Clark's away, trying to get myself spotted so that the League will pick up on my presence and come after me, to get Clark in trouble while simultaneously giving me a reason to start up a war with them again," he sighed. "I haven't been partnering myself with any 'villanous types', known or unknown to the League." Not as far as he was aware, at any rate. Pseudoanonymity on the internet was a thing, after all. "I haven't been trying to stir up political trouble just for kicks."

"Oooh. I _like_ your list," Zatanna grinned, leaning forward, eyes sparking. "May I borrow it?"

Lex rolled his eyes and waved a 'go ahead' at her, with a small smirk.

Zatanna giggled.

"But, all that aside," Lex frowned, "Lana has been in the third-world back-end of nowhere in Africa. Rumors in Metropolis, and rumors that have made it _that_ far out... well, they're two completely different beasts."

"You think she's still got contacts in Metropolis keeping an eye out for her?" Zatanna asked.

"Of course," said Lex. "But keeping an eye out looking for _me?_ " He shook his head. "I'm sure she thought that that explosion of the van finally killed me, once and for all."

"You're lucky it didn't," Zatanna said in all seriousness, leaning back.

"Yes," Lex said succinctly. "Still, this rumor isn't widespread. Clark only heard it in passing, yet Lana's already on her way here. Also, whoever started this rumor knows far more than they're letting on." He frowned. "Someone who'd only just found out about these things would have brought up the possibility of clones, but they didn't. They just said that the current Luthor running LexCorp was an imposter, and that I was the original, not the other way around." He looked up at her. "Something's not right."

"Could the clone have been the one to start the rumor?" Zatanna asked.

Lex blinked up at her. "If it was, then my being on the outskirts was an awfully good guess," Lex said. "There's equal odds as to whether I'd remain in the city after that. Staying nearby would be a gamble." He frowned a little again. "I doubt he'd start a rumor saying _he_ was an imposter, though, especially since he can't have exhausted all avenues available to him yet for finding me." He straightened, then began tapping his fingers against the armrest. "Any leaked information regarding the existence of two of him-- of us-- would be a major security breach. If at all possible, he or I would want to reacquire any other self as quickly and quietly as possible, _not_ admit that they'd gotten away and was out on the loose." He winced. "Not to mention that, when given a choice between an 'imposter' and myself, most sane individuals would not set themselves up against me, which would have him losing people from his own ranks and defecting to mine. What purpose could that possibly serve him?"

"Gee, I dunno," Zatanna said sarcastically. "Maybe he wanted to draw Lana back to the city to take you out for him."

"That doesn't necessarily work for him," Lex pointed out. "She might end up killing him, too. Who knows whether she'd heard about Tess' death and his re-succession in the company structure before now. --I know _I_ don't," he added. "LexCorp doesn't exactly have a big presence in Africa to begin with, and it hasn't been in the news much recently. Luthor's being circumspect as possible in how he's fixing things internally. She'd have to have made a concerted effort to check up on things. She wouldn't have found anything out from just picking up a newspaper, or listening to the odd TV report. ...not that they have all that many of those there, outside of the major cities."

"No, but they do have good, cheap cellphone coverage," Zatanna pointed out.

"She'd still have to have a reason to go looking," Lex reminded her. He paused. "I don't like it," he said sourly.

"Oh, boo hoo," Zatanna said, making pretend tear-gestures by her eyes.

Lex was not amused.

Zatanna sighed and flipped her hairback. "Okay, fine," she said. "At least your mind's okay, if you can think your way through that ball of wax without sounding like an idiot."

Lex raised an eyebrow or two. "Good to know." Personally, he hadn't thought otherwise.

"But I still think your personality got smacked upside the head with a fish," she continued. "I picked a feline form for you because the selection spell indicated it was closest to your natural personality," she said, "but cats aren't particularly ambitious and-- ... _what_ ," she asked, frowning, as Lex shifted in his seat, crossing one leg over the other to try and mask it.

He picked at his knee a little, smoothing the fabric, as he said, carefully, "I was never particularly ambitious," he began slowly.

"Bullshit," Zatanna snorted, crossing her arms and leaning back again.

"I _wasn't_ ," Lex said, with a slight moue of distaste. He let his hand rest on his knee and looked away. "I just... felt that there were certain things that were my responsibility that I had to do something about."

Zatanna stared at him. "Riiiight."

"...And I don't feel particularly responsible for them now," Lex continued, ignoring her response. "Clark is Kal-El, and he's about as dangerous as the common cold. -- _Less_ , even," Lex sighed, running a hand over his head, "because he doesn't ever kill people, and his presence hasn't exactly lowered humanity's resistance to other things that could kill them," he added. "No-one is relying on him. If anything, they're just letting him bolster things up while they try to catch up to what he's doing," he said, glancing back at her, "if what I've seen and read is any indication of current affairs. ...There will be no mass genocide, no extinction of our species on his watch."

"And you're not worried about the whole 'absolute power' thing like your counterpart?" Zatanna said, tongue-in-cheek.

Lex rolled his eyes. "You know as well as I do that if the League doesn't stop him, then both I and my counterpart will. And if the League sides with him..." He smiled. "Well, none of them will be particularly prepared for _me_ blindsiding them while he's keeping them busy."

"You haven't exactly stopped them before," Zatanna pointed out.

"I wasn't _exactly_ trying to murder them by any means necessary, before," Lex said blandly, sitting back into the couch cushions. "Trying to kill me from time to time on a whim is very different than turning on humanity and trying to help kill off the rest of the entire human race." He glared at her. "Species traitors deserve worse, but I'd rather kill them dead -- quickly, quietly and abruptly with no warning and no quarter given -- than risk anyone coming to a last-minute rescue and failing to stop them. Not to mention that a _proper_ torturous death would take up valuable time and resources that could be better spent in the rest of such a fight. It's... inefficient."

Zatanna blinked at him. Then she got a wide grin.

"Human power unite!" she said, punching a fist towards the ceiling.

Lex snorted and rolled his eyes, mood lightening considerably from her antics.

"Okay, fine," said Zatanna with a laugh. "This is all well and good, but why have you _really_ been doing all this? Or... not doing all the things you could be?" she asked. "Convince me you're not just a cat in a Lex-skin."

Lex sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "You're not going to do the transformation if you don't like the answer." It wasn't really a question.

"Give me your best shot," she said challengingly, then sat back and waited.

Lex looked up at the ceiling and grimaced. "I don't know what you want to hear," he began. "I've been staying with Clark because it's easy and I'm safe." He shook his head. "If I didn't, I'd have him, Lois, the entire League, my clone, _and_ Lana to contend with. I've never had to deal with them all-at-once like that before, and I'd rather not if I didn't have to." He looked at Zatanna. "And I doubt you'd like to, either."

He glanced away. "My agreement for Lois keeping her mouth shut hinges on Clark watching me very closely," he looked back at her again. "As it stands, I am no longer safe here because Lana is coming. She'll be looking for me." He spread his hands out. "And, knowing her, and her knowing both Clark and myself, one of the first places she'll come to, either looking for Clark or looking for me, will be Clark's apartment. Right here."

"And you want me to turn you into a cat so she won't recognize you while she's here," Zatanna ended.

"No," said Lex, "I want you to turn me into a cat again so I can stay with Conner and Mrs. Kent in D.C. with no-one the wiser."

Zatanna blinked at him. Her eyebrows went up, and she made a 'go on' gesture, suddenly intrigued.

"Lana might only be after me this time," he began. "But she's made a decent effort to kill any clone of mine that she's come across, as well." He shrugged. "As far as I've been able to determine, she was the one who attacked and slaughtered every last one of the personnel at the Cadmus cloning facility. From what I've learned from Otis recently, one or two of the remaning live clones getting out and joining in the carnage after the fact was most likely purely coincidental and an error on her part, having overlooked one of the most remote, camouflaged, and difficult-to-access areas of the underground complex."

"So she really might also be out for Luthor's blood, too," Zatanna said, putting the pieces together.

"Yes," he said. "And Clark can't afford to have his attention split two ways, let alone three."

Zatanna frowned at him.

"Clark needs to look out for my clone," Lex explained. "He's top-priority, being the most exposed. But a few other people either know or suspect that 'Clark's cat Lex' might be more than just a cat," he grimaced, "so he'd be spending any time away from me here also occuppied half-worrying about me. He doesn't need the distraction."

He took in a breath. "And then there's Conner."

"Conner isn't a clone," Zatanna pointed out.

"No, but if Otis understood his sources correctly, he used to be," Lex said quietly. "He's a hybrid. He's got at least half my DNA. And there are... other factors that could influence her, preventing her from any sort of rational decision-making, when it comes to him." The baby-fiasco with her when they'd been married had been bad enough, but she'd made it clear at the bitter end before she'd left him -- and then framed him for a murder that he hadn't committed, a murder of her that hadn't taken place -- that she considered it to have been the main dividing line in their relationship. In retrospect, that had been when things had gone irrevocably bad, the wedge that had been driven between them.

But if Lana found out that he had a son, and that that son was by the man who she'd spurned him for? Worse, that it had been done without Clark's knowledge or consent? When Lana had blamed Clark for things, Lex had been the one who had suffered for it. When Lionel had twisted her around and treated her horribly, she'd taken it out on Lex. As far as she was concerned, she was an innocent, injured party in the proceedings, and everything bad that had happened to her had been his fault.

No, she would _not_ be thinking clearly, if ever she found out about Conner.

Even Tess had been uncomfortable around Conner, avoiding him and wanting nothing to do with him once she'd effectively dumped him on Clark, and her hatred of him -- of Lex -- was second only to Lana's. Lana knew what Lex had looked like when he was younger -- she'd seen pictures, he'd shown her -- and Conner was his spitting image, except for his hair color.

"Clark won't want to risk it," Lex said, _and neither will I_. "Conner's safe with Martha, in part because no-one outside the League suspects him to be anything other than a newly-adopted son, but also because the Martian Manhunter is her shadow and her bodyguard." He smiled wryly. "J'onn can be asked to keep an eye and mind out for traces of her, and to guard Conner more closely in lieu of Mrs. Kent. Lana won't go after _her_ ," Lex said. "She has too much respect for Clark's mother."

"...And if you're there with them, then you'll all be safe together. Clark won't have to split his attention worrying about you, especially since you'll all be out of the city," Zatanna said slowly, nodding.

"And I'll get to learn a little more about Conner while I'm at it," Lex said, then got a rueful smile. "It won't exactly be a normal sort of family bonding experience..."

"--but you lot aren't exactly normal!" Zatanna laughed. She bit her lip and thought for awhile, then finally said, "Okay. Fine. I'll do it."

Lex let out a sigh of relief, scooting to the edge of the couch.

"--I don't like it," she told him straight-out. "I really do think the amount of time you've been spending as a cat has been affecting you a lot more than you think."

"Not necessarily in a bad way, " Lex said, waving it off.

"You say that now..." Zatanna said warningly.

"So long as I still have the willpower to get things done when they are necessary, 'ambition' is no issue," Lex told her point-blank.

"That's _one_ symptom," said Zatanna. "Here's another: you actually _like_ Clark taking care of you," she said, with no small amusement.

"I am not a _pet_ ," Lex told her sourly. "Is it really so wrong that I enjoy being safe once in awhile?" he asked the room rhetorically.

Zatanna opened her mouth, presumably with a comeback ready at hand, but then she paused.

"...What?" Lex said.

Zatanna closed her mouth. Then she opened it again.

"No-thing," Zatanna said slowly, eyeing him with a look Lex couldn't quite read.

Lex's eyes narrowed.

"No, really, it's nothing," she said brightly. She stood up, clapping her hands together. "So. Let's get to it then, shall we?" she said. "I assume you've gotten everything squared away with Clark, then?" she said, as she turned and waved a hand, sending her chair back from whence it came.

"Not exactly," Lex admitted as he stood. "I've written him a letter explaining things."

Zatanna turned to him, giving him an incredulous look. "Lex," she chided.

"He's not so reasonable as you," Lex began, "and I'd rather avoid an argument if at all possible." His lips twitched upwards. "I don't believe he realizes yet that I'm perfectly able to hold human conversation as a cat, though the communication itself is an issue."

"Not when you've got a feline-language auto-translation spell cast on you like I do," Zatanna smirked. "Though I take it you'd like to keep that one of our little secrets."

"Along with the fact that my time as a cat has been due more to death-by-Lana than reincarnation bent to useful ends, or anything else related to my contracting your magical services." He mused to himself, "I get the feeling that he may not even realize that it's spell-based at all, or that I've even died multiple times, let alone once." He'd never really had a chance to talk with Clark about the van, or, rather, there hadn't been a good time yet to bring it up.

"You really think it's a good idea, keeping this from him?" Zatanna asked, as she made a gesture and conjured a large roll of plastic sheeting.

"It's better than him being aware of exactly how many times Lana's actually succeeded in killing me," Lex said, watching as the magician shook out the sheet of plastic across the open center of the room. "He'll be safer assuming that she isn't a cold-blooded killer. She'll notice his ignorance and reluctance to fight with her, and she won't see him as so much of a threat to be dealt with, which means she'll go easy on him instead of treating him like an obstacle to be removed." Lex paused. "If he did know, it would put him in a very bad position," he said. "Clark would have to take sides, and you know how disapproving he gets of the people he associates with killing in self-defense, let alone for any other reason. If he puts his foot down, there'll be no reasoning with him, and Lana already won't be reasonable." From there, well... it wouldn't end well.

Zatanna sighed. "Why do you always have to kill my buzz with this shit?" she asked, as she conjured up a bag of 'tools' and started to get to work with the circle.

"Ah, it's fine," Lex smiled. "You get to end with magic to end the buzz kill, don't you?" He leaned down over her. "And ear-scratches. Everybody likes a good ear-scratching."

Zatanna snickered. "Knew there was a reason I liked you," she said, glancing over her shoulder up at him. "Now scat," she said, flicking her fingers away in a shooing motion, "I've got to get the first bit of this set up before your boy returns home to stop us, and you need to get undressed."

"Yes, ma'am," Lex said with a grin and a salute, and he slipped into his bedroom to do just that.

He padded out shortly thereafter, and took a seat in the center of the circle.

"Now, I don't know exactly how this might affect the other spell," Zatanna warned him, as she continued her work and closed the circle about him, with the requisite permanent pen markings and candlewax drippings. "It should still work if somebody kills you," she said, "but I've never layered like this before. You might reincarnate as a cat again, or maybe something else."

Lex decided that now was as good a time to ask as any, "If Lana shows up in D.C." he asked, "and if I die trying to distract Lana from him, knowing that I may die doing so, will I still reincarnate? Or..." he trailed off uncertainly.

Zatanna stopped what she was doing in her preparations and straightened for a moment, thinking it through.

"You know," she said, frowning a little in thought, "you might end up okay. --Not that I recommend that," she added quickly, looking him in the eye. "Best be safe not put push your luck. Sacrificing your life for another isn't exactly suicide, so intent comes into play there." She paused, looking for a good way to put it. "If you aren't actually wanting to die... that shouldn't tip the karma scales too badly -- not in the wrong direction, anyway."

Lex nodded.

"Okay, then," she said, as she got back to work, finishing up the circle.

"That was quick," said Lex, frowning around at the symbols. They didn't look much familiar.

"People to animals is different and easier than animals to people," Zatanna told him. "Besides, I was needing to tie into the previous spell before." She settled into a kneeling posture. "Being reincarnated as a cat and making you a person again while restoring your memories is different than just changing your base form like this."

"It needs to be permanent until you reverse it," Lex said. "The last thing I'll need is somebody being able to pick up on, or reverse, the spell." He wouldn't put it past Lana to be able to talk some magic user into helping her out, if she found out what he'd done. She could be very persuasive when she put her mind to it, and was a consummate liar, to boot; hell, he'd been on the receiving end of both, more than once.

"It won't stand out any more than what I've already cast on you," she reassured him -- and it _was_ reassuring, because magically he didn't stand out much from that. He even had the nearly-clean magic sensor and general detector work-ups to prove it.

"I'll look the same as I did before, won't I?" he asked.

"You should."

"Good," said Lex. There would be problems otherwise.

Lex took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

He waited.

And then he opened them and sighed.

He got to his feet and **stretched**.

 _Mmmmm,_ he thought, feeling his muscles shift under his skin. He felt _good_.

"Damn," he heard Zatanna say under her breath. "Well, that answers that question. That was almost too easy."

He padded over to her, nosing at her hand curiously.

"Oh, just -- your body _definitely_ remembers being a cat," she said with a smile -- directed at him, because she'd spoken a little more loudly this time.

*mff* _Whatever._ Zatanna wasn't worried, so why should he be?

Then she grinned a little. "So -- ear scratches, huh?"

Lex ducked his head against her hand.

Zatanna sat back and gave him a too-innocent, highly amused look.

*mrr* _Come on,_ Lex complained, repeating the motion.

She grinned down at him.

Lex stopped prompting her and kinked his tail at her in annoyance, before sitting down. _Tease._

"So," Zatanna said, "I was thinking..."

Lex looked up at her, his ears going back a bit. He didn't like that tone. This didn't sound good.

"...that I should drop by from time to time over at Conner's place, and see how you're doing," she ended. "Just to make sure that you're all right."

Lex gave a grumbly growl at her. That was _not_ a good idea. Someone might notice and...

Zatanna's grin got a little wider.

"Oh, what was that?" she said innocently, then gave him a long sharp, mischevious look. "Kind of difficult to argue when you're a cat, right? Turn about's fair play, after all," she grinned down at him. "Clark's loss? My gain!"

Lex flicked his tail in utter frustration. He _knew_ she could understand him, but if she refused to act like she did...

And there wasn't really anything he could do to stop her from coming over, either.

"Aw, poor baby," she said with a fake pout. "Getting regular visits from your magician to make sure that you aren't going out of your mind. How sorry for you."

*mr-yow* _Just don't try and test whether I've gone too 'cat' while you're petting me,_ because that just wouldn't be fair.

"What, like this?" she said.

And then there were glorious ear scratches.

 _Ahhhhhhh,_ Lex thought. He relaxed right into her side bonelessly and began to purr, because _that?_ That was the _good stuff_.

He vaguely heard Zatanna laugh and say something or another, but honestly, how could anybody expect him to pay attention to anything else when he was... was... oh, oh _yeah_... right there was _perfect_.

Lex's purring grew louder, rumbling through his chest, and shortly thereafter Zatanna's voice just became another pleasant sort of background noise...

...though something smelled a little funny...

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Lex?" he heard called out hesitantly, and a door click shut.

Lex's ears twitched as he heard "Lex?" again. His tail twitched, and he opened his eyes.

He grumbled a bit, feeling a little woozy -- _oh, is that the time?_ he thought as he glanced up at the clock hanging up on the wall, _no wonder_ , Clark had been out late tonight -- then he slowly rolled over and sat up on the couch. He yawned and stretched. Mmm.

"Le--" He heard a soft gasp as he finished his stretch.

"Oh, no," he heard Clark exclaim in quiet horror, dropping his hat and briefcase. "No, no."

Lex turned to face him -- *mrr?* -- wondering what was wrong.

Clark was over to him in a flash, making Lex blink. "Oh, god," he said. "Lex. Are you-- are you _all right?_ "

Weird. Clark sounded a little panicked. He didn't seem to know what to do with his hands, either, because they kept fluttering close, but Clark didn't touch him.

Lex nosed at his hand good-naturedly. *mrrr* _I'm fine._

"God," Clark said softly, finally reaching out and stroking a palm over his head. Lex leaned into it; it felt nice. " _Why?_ "

Lex's ears went back a little at that. Why did Clark sound almost _broken?_

\--He had to be misunderstanding something. Lex should fix that. And he could. So Lex pulled away and jumped off of the couch.

"Lex?" he heard the confusion, but he also heard Clark's following footsteps.

Lex trotted into the kitchen-dining room area and jumped up onto the table. He sat down right by the envelope that had his letter inside, and curled his tail about his feet.

Clark walked into the kitchen and frowned down at the envelope. He looked to Lex.

Then he slowly picked it up.

"--Lex!" he exclaimed as Lex jumped down off of the table and trotted back into the living room, but Lex wasn't about to go back. He jumped back up onto the sofa and was relieved to hear Clark stay in the kitchen and, finally, the sounds of paper ripping and then a careful slide and unfolding.

 _Good,_ Lex thought, settling back down on the couch. It would be a waste of time if Clark had tried to communicate with him as a cat, and cross-purposes. Removing himself from the immediate surroundings made it clear to Clark where he should be getting his information from. Also, Clark would have a chance to calm down as he read, and he couldn't exactly argue with a letter.

He put his head down on his paws, and closed his eyes to wait. Soon enough, he heard more rustling of paper being put away, and footsteps approaching.

"Damnit, Lex," he heard Clark say quietly, and he slitted open his eyes again.

Clark looked... and sounded... sad?

This really wasn't making any sense.

"You didn't have to do this," Clark said in that strange, quiet, broken-sounding voice, and it made Lex sit up in vague alarm.

This was _not_ supposed to make Clark sad. What had he missed?

...Maybe Clark had had a bad day?

Well, he knew what had usually helped fix that before. Lex stretched out and ducked his head under Clark's chin, rubbing up against it.

Clark let out a soft, catching sigh, and scooped Lex up into his arms.

 _Good,_ thought Lex, because this was better.

"Oh, Lex," Clark said quietly, and petted him.

Lex purred. If Clark was petting him, surely that meant everything was all right?

He slitted his eyes shut as Clark continued to pet him, murmuring to him softly.

Lex continued to purr, and his breathing evened out as Clark's did. He slowly relaxed again as Clark continued to pet his head, and then stroke him gently, and he let himself relax because he _could_. Because he'd done what he'd needed to do. Because Clark had read the note, and he would do what he was supposed to. Because Clark always did the right thing, and this was the right thing to do, and everything was just perfect... and... and everything... would be... all... rrr...

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex shifted in Clark's arms, coming partially awake. He wasn't sure exactly when Clark had brought him wherever-this-place-was, but--

Oh. Conner. *mrr* _Hello._

Lex blinked up at him from Clark's arms.

"Uh, hi," Clark said, sounding almost nervous.

"Uhhhh, hi?" said Conner, blinking sleepily at him as he opened the door and let him in. He was in pajamas. "It's like four in the morning. Where's the fire?" Then he blinked and looked a little more awake. "Hey. Shit. The fire isn't _here_ , is it?" he asked. "Because I've been being _really_ **super** -careful with the--"

"Relax, Conner, the fire's not here," Clark said, suppressing a laugh. "The fire's... well, it's in Metropolis."

"Oh, man," Conner groaned. "Somebody burned down your apartment?"

"What? --No!" Clark said, shaking his head and stifling a smile. Lex could hear it in his voice. "I just--" his gaze dropped to Lex. "I mean--" and the smile went away.

"Something wrong with your crazy stalker-cat?" Conner asked, looking at Lex askance.

Clark's face fell.

"Uh, no," Clark said. "I mean... no. No. He's fine," he said. "Lex is fine. I just..." He sighed, and Lex shifted uneasily. Something was wrong again. "I need you to look after him for awhile."

"Why."

He felt Clark take in a shaky breath, then had to shift himself in Clark's arms a little as Clark straightened. "You remember what I told you about Lana Lang?"

"Yeah?"

"She's headed for Metropolis," Clark said succinctly. "I'm going to have to spend a lot more time watching over Luthor, which means I won't be home nearly as much."

"...Can't you get Lois to do it?" Conner asked in not quite a whine. "Or, I dunno, Chloe or Oliver or somebody? Take him to the 'Tower? People are always in and out of there," Conner put out there, eyeing Lex uncertainly.

"Lois is allergic, and she doesn't want him around," Clark said. "He's my... responsibility," he added. "Oliver would spend his time torturing him -- they don't really get along -- and when Lex eventually fought back... I'm not sure Chloe would try and stop it, or do more than toss Lex out on the street once it escalated too far, which Oliver might even end up counting on," he admitted.

 _True enough_ , Lex thought, tail twitching. He wasn't about to take Oliver's shit lying down ever again. They weren't at Excelsior Prep anymore. No more teachers for Oliver to go running to when Lex got even for something Oliver had done that everyone else had turned a blind eye to.

"Besides, Chloe's pregnant and shouldn't be around cat litter anyway."

 _...Chloe's pregnant?_ Lex glanced up at Clark. When had that happened?

"And I can't leave him in at Watchtower," Clark continued. "Tess... would not treat him well, if she had any way to control the environment. And nobody's in there on a frequent enough basis to make sure he'd get watered and fed and stuff okay. He'd probably get... bored, too."

...And a bored Lex is a Lex that makes trouble. Lex twitched his tail again and tried not to smirk too much. Clark knew him _so_ well.

"Actually, I think Emil was planning on hooking her up to more of the main 'Tower systems pretty soon, so she would," Conner put out there, scratching at his bedhead. "Power and environmental controls, for one thing."

Clark grimaced. " _Definitely_ not Watchtower, then."

Conner sighed.

"I dunno, Clark," he said, staring down at Lex. Lex stared back. "He doesn't like Shelby, and he stalks me."

"Lex will get along with Shelby," Clark said, in a tone that brooked no argument, and, like his name had summoned him, the dog trotted into the room and over to the front door where they were standing in the foyer.

" _Won't you_ ," said Clark, looking down at Lex intently.

Lex looked back up at him. Lex looked down at the dog.

He twitched his tail in slight frustration. *mrr* _If he tries to lick me, all bets are off._

"Right. Good," said Clark, and with that he crouched and set him down, with a very final-seeming head-pat.

Lex didn't particularly like that. He looked back up at Clark almost beseechingly.

\--Then Lex caught himself and remembered that the plan was that he stay here. Clark did not stay here. Ergo, Clark had to leave Lex.

...This was starting to seem like a bad plan.

Hm. Conner had had an interesting idea earlier, though. If Clark's apartment had burned down, he'd have to find someplace else to stay. Couldn't he stay here, then? Clark could work in D.C. for the Planet -- they _did_ need more good reporters out here -- and Superman could go... _wherever_. D.C. to Kansas wasn't much of a commute for Superman; Clark wouldn't have to stay in Metropolis all the time to watch over Lex's clone, did he...?

Drat. That would have been _perfect_. Lex wished he'd've thought of it before.

...Maybe he could talk Zatanna into a little convenient pyromancy whenever she showed up for her first visit here? Maybe Clark had been sad because he was going to be lonely without somebody to talk to... _with_ , to talk back with him. Conner could do that here while Lex was being a cat, right? Martha, too.

Yes, Clark should be there. Lex was going to get right on that.

Lex yawned widely. _Mmmmm, right after I get some sleep,_ he thought hazily.

"...actually, any people food is fine," Clark ended, and Lex blinked as he realized he'd missed a conversation over his head.

"Uh, sure," said Conner, glancing down at him. "Are you _sure_ your cat's okay?" he asked.

*mrr* _'Course I am, just... tired..._ Lex thought as he blinked and swayed. He'd had a long day.

He twitched his head back as Shelby brought his head down next to him and whined and snuffled at him a little.

*rrffft* Lex said without much heat. _Doggy breath. Stop it. Seriously. Ugh, no, quit--_ He turned his head away with a *mew* of discontent.

He tried flicking his tail over at the dog, to no noticeable effect.

Finally, the dog pulled its head back again.

It stood there and stared at him, tongue lolling.

 _...What?_ Lex thought, standing uneasily, shifting weight on his paws and edging away slightly, before realizing that that was probably a bad idea and stopping, holding his ground. _Hey, hey,_ he realized, eyes narrowing and ears going back as his tail dropped down, _you better not lick me. I mean it._

It stood there and watched him.

Lex glared back with suspicion.

Then it turned and began to trot away.

 _...Okay,_ Lex thought, feeling his shoulders drop a little and his ears come back up a little. _Not sure what the hell that was..._

The dog stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned its head to look back at him.

It _whined_.

Lex blinked at it.

 _Um, right?_ Lex thought in some confusion, tail kinking behind him. _I'm... coming?_

The dog got a doggy grin and turned, continuing on.

 _Right,_ thought Lex. _Sure, whatever._ He was just too tired to argue with _anything_ right now.

So he followed the dog into a bedroom and jumped into bed after it did.

One side had the covers all askew. The other looked un-slept in, except for the crumpled area where the dog turned a few times and settled in.

...Lex had never slept on a bed before. Not as a cat.

He decided to take up some space near the pillow area, but far enough away that whoever's bed this was wouldn't shove him off for being too close to their side of the bed.

Then he thought better of it and just curled himself up on the unused pillow.

The dog seemed to *whuff* in approval.

Lex fell asleep before the bed's owner reclaimed his side of it.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	3. Chapter 3

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex felt a little dizzy, and a little strung out, when he woke up.

The first thing he did was sneeze. Twice.

_Ngah._ Whatever smell he'd smelled when Zatanna had been around last night had gotten up into his nose and made it hard to think. He was feeling a little less fuzzy-headed this morning.

He got up and stretched, and sighed a bit, because... _Ahhhhh. Much better._

He perked up a bit as he looked down from his pillow at the dog who lifted its head at him, not looking particularly sleepy. _Huh. It waited for me?_

It only belatedly occurred to him as he followed after the dog to what ended up being the kitchen that Zatanna might've used something on him last night to keep him mellow enough for dealing with Clark, and then transport.

_I was wired,_ he thought. _Whatever that scent was, it helped knock me out. If I'd been awake, waiting up for Clark that whole time, I'd've been cranky, if not climbing the walls._

The dog promptly trotted over to a food dish and started chowing down on what looked like cheap dog food. _Ick._

He glanced up at the table. Conner was there, as well as Martha and... J'onn. Hm.

"Mornin', bed-stealer," said Conner, frowning down at him.

*mrr* _Morning._ Lex hadn't realized it was Conner's bed last night, but, honestly, he should have. Who else had been up that late... or early, besides the person living there who'd opened the door?

He jumped up onto the table and sat down, looking around curiously.

"Off," Martha said, reachng forward and making a shooing motion from across the table.

Lex's eyes went wide, and he barely jumped down in time to avoid getting batted off with the newspaper she'd been holding.

He narrowed his eyes at her as she reopened the paper, otherwise ignoring him. That wasn't nice.

He glanced up at J'onn and realized he hadn't even seemed to notice. No help there. Conner was watching him with an odd expression, though.

Lex realized that Clark must not have explained the whole not-actually-a-cat thing to anyone. Which eant he had a choice of how he wanted to proceed.

He stared back at Conner.

_Nope, just a regular cat here. Nothing to see here._ He did a normal stretch, and made his way around the table. It was a little sad that he'd made better friends with the dog than the humans here, especially when the dog had already had a track record of not liking him, if it was the same one Clark had originally 'saved' from LuthorCorp experimentation, as Lex suspected was the case. He wasn't stupid, though. He knew full well that his clone-hybrid wouldn't take sharing a house with him very well. It wasn't exactly a big leap from thinking him human-level intelligent to _which_ human he must be, given his name and association with Clark.

"We'll swing by the grocery store after the Congressional session today and pick up some cat food and supplies," Martha said, a frown in her voice.

_Wait, what?_ Lex swiveled his head up at her immediately.

"Uh, Clark said that he doesn't eat that," Conner began. _What he said!_ "He eats--"

"Clark shouldn't spoil him," Martha said succinctly. "He's a barn cat. He used to eat field mice before. He'll eat cat food."

_Only because you tried to make me eat cat food before, that one time you came by the farm,_ Lex thought, trying not to bristle, but his head went down and he felt his ears flatten. Even raw field mouse meat had been better than that stuff. Clark had given him leftovers, knowing they might go bad due to the weird hours he'd been keeping. Shelby, too. Even if that had been an excuse, Clark had liked making things up fresh each night, and he had _never_ skimped on food. Never.

"Uh, yeah. Clark kind of said that, too. But tuna and milk aren't that expensive..." Conner said uneasily, glancing down at him.

"Clark gave him to you to take care of," Martha said in reasonable tones. "Do you want to pay for his food?"

"Um..." Conner shifted in his seat. "Technically, Clark just asked me to take care of him for a little while," he mumbled.

"He said the same thing about Shelby, didn't he?" Martha said in reasonable tones.

_What?!_ Lex said, leaping to his feet. _Hell no!_

Then he winced internally as he saw Conner staring at him again and slowly settled down, trying to act natural.

"Not really," said Conner uneasily.

"Look," Martha said. "If Clark really wanted the responsibility of a cat, he should be finding a way to take care of him properly."

"Uh, yeah," said Conner. "That's why he asked me. And he used to share the responsibility with Lois," he pointed out, "so each of them could cover when the other--"

" _Conner._ "

Conner fell silent.

Lex didn't like this at _all_.

"Did Clark at least have him declawed?" Martha asked.

"Uh, no," Conner said blankly. "He was actually pretty clear about not wanting us to do anything about..." He stopped abruptly, then glanced over at Lex again.

Lex's eyes widened.

Martha gave an aggrieved sigh. "I'm not putting up with Clark's cat--"

"Lex," Conner supplied.

Martha didn't even raise an eyebrow. "--with _Lex_ destroying my furniture with his claws, or 'marking his territory' inside," she ended.

Lex was hard-put not to bristle. He was a very well-behaved cat, thank you! And what must Martha think of Clark, that he would put up with such in his own apartment? Or Lois, for that matter! He'd only scratched Oliver the _once_ , and the man had **deserved** it! He'd been perfectly civil at the barbecue! He'd even put up with Oliver's subtle pestering!

"And just because Clark hasn't had the time to handle these things himself doesn't mean we can't for him," Martha continued blithely. "It's what family is for."

Lex wondered if this was what choking up a hairball felt like. He'd thought the worst he might have to suffer was the indignity of a litterbox. Trying to convince a human to let him use the bathtub without coming across as smarter than he should be would have been a bit too difficult if they'd only had the one tub. The system had worked just fine with Otis, though -- he'd just used a scoop to drop any feces in the toilet to flush that away, and after a little water down the drain to clear any leftover urine and a spritzing of bleach solution across the bottom, the tub was perfectly serviceable once again.

But cat food? And a possible declawing and... _that?!?_ Lex swallowed hard at the indignity of it.

_Hell no. I'm out of here!_

He crouched down a little and generally ignored the argument going on between Conner and Martha over his head. It was fairly obvious even from the tone who had the power, and who was losing.

Then his head perked up slightly as he realized -- the kitchen door had a doggy door on it.

He glanced upwards, and weaved his way, quickly and quiely, over.

He shoved his head against the plastic flap over the small step at the bottom of the door -- a hole, not a cutout to the floor -- and once it was the right way through, he shoved a shoulder into it and pushed his way out.

It was a bit heavy for a cat, having been made for a large dog instead, but he made it through all right.

He sighed out and breathed in a deep breath of cool, frigid December air, that felt oh, so good. He took a few steps forward, then spat out a hiss as he got a good look at his surroundings -- the closest he could manage to a curse as he could manage in this form.

There was an eight-foot high fence all the way around the property.

_Fuck. I can't jump that high!_

There _was_ a tree in the back yard, but its branches were a good distance from the fence, and a bit higher than he was happy with. He'd never really tested the heights he could fall from without hurting himself, and he _really_ didn't want to start with that. _If I break my legs trying to escape, they'll just take me right to the vet straightaway, and once there..._

Lex shuddered at the thought.

And then he startled as he just about **felt** an explosion at his back, the slamming of a large impact against the plastic flap outwards.

A bit rigid, he turned slowly and came face-to-face with a very happy-looking dog, standing there out on the back porch, wagging his tail at him.

_Uh, yes. Hi again._ He backed up a slow step, then sat.

*wruff*

Lex blinked at the dog. -- _Shelby_ , right. He probably shouldn't forget that. His only real friend on the premises. ...the only one who'd actually been helpful so far, at any rate, showing him around and keeping him company. He supposed he shouldn't be too hard on Conner, who seemed to be _trying_ , at least, even if he _was_ being horribly ineffective about it. Lex suspected that Conner's efforts had more to do with staying in Clark's good graces than any real worry about Lex's well-being, though.

*wruff!* Shelby repeated, as if he ought to be able to understand him.

*mrr?* _I don't speak dog, silly. Youre going to have to be more clear than that._ Supposedly the dog was supposed to be pretty smart, at least that was what that LuthorCorp project had been about, originally. Smart, helpful pets, as close to human-smart as possible. Lionel had only started trying to weaponize them farther in.

Shelby *wruff*ed at him again, then turned and trotted down the stairs of the porch and out into the yard.

Lex felt his tail raise in amusement.

_All right, then._ He followed after Shelby, and felt even more amused as they turned a corner and he came face-to-face with a large doghouse.

_Well, the yard ends here,_ Lex realized. So did the fence. He might not be able to get out from the backyard, but if he managed to get out the front door, he'd likely be out on the street, the possibility of escape then just down to how fast he could outrun whoever was chasing him. J'onn was fast, but Martha sure as heck wasn't, and if anyone was watching then J'onn might not risk the chance of being seen doing something... questionable.

_He also doesn't or can't mindread cats, so he probably wouldn't be able to track me,_ Lex remembered, as he followed Shelby over to his doghouse.

When Shelby stopped in front of his doghouse, Lex looked up at him curiously. _Ok. Nice place? Could use some heating. What now?_

*mreep!* Lex yelped, as a cold doggy nose shoved him inside. _What the heck do you think you're--?!?_

Then he found himself having to back up quickly as Shelby followed him in. _Hey!!_

But then Shelby sat down, blocking the opening somewhat, and Lex began to get a little nervous.

He backed up a bit as Shelby dropped his head down onto his paws and looked at him.

When the dog didn't do anything else, Lex uneasily settled into a seated posture, trying to figure this one out.

Slowly, tentatively, he paced forward, one step at a time.

Shelby stayed still, watching him lazily.

Finally, Lex dropped down next to him, watching him carefully. He was warm.

Shelby just yawned and squirmed around him a bit, curling around Lex a little more.

Lex slowly relaxed.

Eventually, he fell asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Shelby?" he heard called out. Lex flinched and blinked awake.

"Hey, boy, you know where Lex is?" he heard, then a soft, "oh."

_Yeah, you saw it here first,_ Lex thought, poking his head up slightly over Shelby's back to eye Conner. _Guard dog is guarding. Animal solidarity. Suck it, humans!_

_...And half-human clones._ Lex paused a moment. _Well, maybe not half-human clones._ Conner hadn't seemed so bad. _And Martian-- okay, you know what? Forget it,_ Lex thought dourly, because there were too many not-quite-humans around these parts, Shelby not included, and -- _damn_...

He watched Conner evenly as Conner slowly advanced, wondering what the hell he was doing.

Conner reached a hand forward forward, and then had to pull it back as Shelby turned his head and snapped at him lazily in warning.

Lex smirked and dropped his head back down. Yup. He'd read the situation right. Smart dog.

Smart, _friendly_ dog. Lex was beginning to wonder why he'd spent so much time avoiding him around the farm.

_...Oh, right, because back then he was a drooling overstimulated lunatic back who kept wanting me to run the fields with him and jump around after squirrels all the time._ Shelby seemed a lot calmer now, though maybe that was just the setting and the strict senator he had to share a house with. Not to mention that the backyard was tiny in comparison to the farm -- he couldn't exactly go running about with Conner here the same way he'd used to with Clark.

...Actually, that was almost a little sad, now that Lex thought about it.

"C'mon boy, you know I won't let 'ma do that stuff to him. I promised Clark; you heard me," he heard Conner say. *pfft* _As if._ Like either of them would fall for that. Martha was a powerful woman in her own right, not one to be denied. If Conner really thought just saying 'no' to her without actually changing her mind was going to work, he was going to have a rude wake-up call.

So would Lex, probably from the back of a cat-carrier. _Thank you, no. I'd rather stay out here and try to figure out something workable. You can go away now._

Fairly certain that Shelby wasn't going to be moving anytime soon, Lex settled back down to sleep for a little longer and conserve his energy.

Without access to proper food in the meantime, he was going to need it.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey, Lex," were the words he woke up to, and boy, was he glad to see him!

*mrrrrow!* _Clark!_ Lex cried out, scrambling over Shelby and launching himself into Clark's arms. *rrrrouw merrouw* _Clark, Clark, Clark! Thank **god** you're here -- get me out of here!_

"Hey, hey -- it's okay, shh," Clark said, laughing a little and bundling Lex up in his arms. He petted Lex on the head, trying to get him to settle and stop rubbing his head under his chin.

"Thanks, Shelby," he heard Clark say before standing.

*mrrrr* _Yes, thank you,_ Lex added, looking down at the dog, tail twitching. Shelby's tail was wagging in return.

"C'mon, let's get you back inside," Clark said to Shelby, turning. "--Don't worry Lex, we're going home, okay?" he said down into Lex's fur.

Lex sighed in relief and collapsed in Clark's arms under the petting.

Conner looked a little downcast as he trailed behind. Lex couldn't quite blame him.

"Hey, mom," Clark said, shoving his way into the kitchen through the door one-handed, cradling Lex carefully. He only held it long enough for Shelby and Conner, then closed it and started heading for the front door. "Sorry about this, I should've asked you first, and not just Conner. It's your house, after all."

"Clark," she frowned, standing and following.

"No, really, I get it," said Clark. "I wasn't thinking all that clearly. I'd only just found out about Lana coming in to make trouble with Luthor in Metropolis, and I wasn't sure how long it'd take me to resolve it."

"You've already talked with her?" Martha asked.

_That was quick..._ thought Lex.

"No," said Clark, "but when Conner called I realized what a hassle I was kind of putting you guys through on no notice." He grimaced. "I was able to catch up with her plane while it was in the air, and x-rayed from the ground. She's still onboard, and I've got a little time now to come pick Lex back up."

"Clark--" Martha said, frowning.

"No, really, it's okay," Clark said, shifting Lex in his arms and stopping at the front door. "I don't think I need to be on-watch twenty-four-seven until things have been resolved; I can probably get one or two Leaguers to help keep an eye out and whatnot in the meantime. I can still take care of Lex while I'm doing this, too, it's just that I'd thought it'd be easier if he stayed here instead of all alone in my apartment." He looked to Conner. "I just figured Lex and Conner would be less lonely together, than not, especially with Conner off for winter break for the next two weeks, and Congress still in session most days." He glanced down at Shelby a little guiltily. "I know you're good company and all, but I didn't think you'd mind having another friend around, too, yeah?"

Shelby sat there and doggy-grinned at everyone, tail wagging.

Martha sighed, then put on a tired smile. "It's not that, Clark; we're happy to take care of him for you..."

Clark frowned a little and glanced between Conner and his mom. "Um. I thought that you guys had a problem with... something?"

"I don't think I can cover tuna and milk with my allowance so easily," Conner put out there.

"Oh," said Clark, then... "Oh! Geez, sorry," he said sheepishly. "I mean, --yeah, he's my cat. Of course I'll pay for his food and stuff. I have some extra at the apartment I could bring over." He looked over at Martha. "Was that...?"

Martha shook her head and sighed. "He's still got his claws, Clark."

"Um. Well, yeah," Clark said, not getting it.

"Clark, he's a barn cat, not a house cat," Martha said. "And the house may be mostly dog-proof now, but, well, Shelby's a smart dog," she said, smiling down at him, "and I've got some nice furniture and things that... well... aren't very cat-proof. With the kind of company I sometimes have to have over..." she grimaced. "They won't exactly be impressed by half-shredded furniture."

Clark's eyebrows went up. "Lex is pretty careful about not breaking things or making a mess." His mouth twitched upwards. "Any mess that already exists kind of tends to be fair game, though. --And he doesn't scratch stuff, like ever."

"I thought he scratched Oliver?" Martha asked, glancing at Conner.

"Uh... okay, yeah," Clark said, shifting from foot to foot. "Once. And, uh, no offense to Oliver, but he really, _really_ deserved it. I watched the tapes, after. He'd been messing with Lex a bunch up until that point; it wasn't just the one thing, with no warning. Lex went easy on him, too." Clark rolled his eyes. "It's like he's genetically predisposed to torment Lexes or something, I swear."

Martha gave him a look.

"He didn't scratch anybody at the barbecue," Clark put out there defensively.

"He took a swipe at Shelby," Martha said, eyeing Lex.

"But he didn't use his claws," Clark pointed out.

*me-yow!* _Hey! 'He' is sitting right here!_ Lex glared up at Clark, tail lashing out into open air.

"And they were getting along fine today, right? --Sorry," Clark muttered, petting Lex on the head.

*mrr* _Don't think that just a petting gets you out of being rude, you... umm..._ Lex's eyes started to drift shut, before he shook his head slightly, ducking his head down to interrupt the petting. _...no wait, stop that for a minute, I'm trying to pay attention here!_ He needed to think clearly for this, and he needed to keep abreast of what was going on.

"--smart cat. Uh. But not Shelby-smart. Other-smart," Clark ended. _Drat. What'd you make me miss, you?_ "Cats are people too, y'know."

Martha gave Lex a considering look.

Lex's ears flattened slightly. _Not sure I like that much attention from you as a cat, Mrs. Kent._

"He's never scratched any furniture at either apartment before," Clark put out there, "but I could grab a scratching post for him if you really want. I just don't think he'll use it," Clark ended apologetically. "He doesn't like letting out his claws, I think. --And Lois would have freaked if he had."

"Toldja," said Conner, crossing his arms and sounding vindicated somehow.

"Hm," said Martha.

"Really, mom, I like him the way he is," Clark said. "And declawing him would be cruel."

"Has he been neutered?" Matha asked, eyeing him.

Clark stared blankly for a moment, then blanched and stuttered.

Lex got that hairball feeling in his throat again.

"-- _really_ doesn't need that mom, _seriously_ , okay?" Clark ended, holding Lex a little closer. Lex did not mind this at all; Clark was warm, and looking out for him.

"All right..." Martha said with some reserve.

"Believe me, he won't," said Clark. "He doesn't go outside much these days. And he only ever uses the litterbox." He paused. "Um. Or maybe a tub."

That got him some curious looks.

"Uh. Otis said something about it once," said Clark. "I didnt really ask him what he meant... uh, I could? --Lex can just use a litterbox, though," Clark said. "Really. He's smart. Honest. You tell him, show him, whatever, he'll be fine."

"Um. Why can't this Otis guy take care of him, again?" Conner asked curiously.

"...Because the 'Otis' I'm talking about is Luthor's executive assistant, and he's probably going to be even busier than me looking out for Luthor for the next however-long?"

"Oh," said Conner. "That's a reason."

"Are you guys sure you're okay with this?" Clark asked, glancing around.

Conner and Martha exchanged a look, and Martha sighed.

Shelby seemed perfectly happy with whatever state of affairs, as usual.

"Only until you resolve this situation with Lana," his mom said reluctantly.

Clark sighed in relief. "Thank you."

But then he paused and looked down at Lex, scratching him under his chin, eyebrows raised in a quiet question.

Lex looked up at him.

Lex turned his head and looked at Conner for awhile, then stifled a sigh. _Fine. Might as well stick with the plan._ He glanced back up at Clark, then made the usual weight-shifting, shoulder-bunching 'I want to get down' movements.

Clark handed him straight over to Conner.

_Oh-kay. I guess we can do that, too?_ Lex thought, as Conner tried to hold him the same way Clark did. He didn't really know what he was doing.

"I'll be right back with some of his stuff," Clark said, glancing down at his watch, then out across the sky. "Uh, _right_ away."

Conner carried Lex back farther into the house as Clark zoomed out and in, and out and in again, with supplies from home.

*mrrft* Lex sighed softly. _What, not even a head-scratch goodbye this time?_

Then again, Clark was pretty busy with this. Maybe he should just count himself lucky that Clark had come back to sort things out at all.

Clark was dropping off the rest of the tuna by the front door when there was a burst of smoke, and there stood Zatanna, right next to Clark.

"Hey there, Clark!" she smiled brightly, clapping a confused-looking Clark on the shoulder. "Heard you were looking for a cat-sitter.

Lex blinked. _Say what the who now?_ His tail twitched as Zatanna walked right over to Conner, and bent over a little to give Lex glorious ear scratches. He almost missed the surreptitious wink.

Lex snapped out of it at a disorienting sideways motion and a strong, "No!" from Conner, who was holding him at present.

Lex craned his head upwards to look at his quick-aged biological love-child.

"I mean, we already said we'd take care of him and stuff, so--" Conner hunched his shoulders slightly as several sets of adult eyes trained on him.

"What?" Conner said defensively, backing up a step. "I'm responsible!"

"Conner..." Martha said, in a 'humoring him' sort of tone that had Lex putting his ears back.

"I take care of Shelby just fine," Conner muttered.

"Well, if he's got a place to stay," Zatanna said. "I just wanted to make sure. I don't have a lot of space on my tour bus, but it's worked out before," she offered. "But if he'll be fine here..."

"He's stayed with you before?" Clark asked, and Lex shot her a glare, because _what was she doing?!?_

"Oh, y'know, off and on," Zatanna waved off with a grin. "Might've stopped over in Smallvile once or twice looking for you and picked up a passenger." She crossed her arms and gave him a superior smile. "Seems somebody like rabbits, when they think they're immobile, without worrying too much about the cages in-between."

*nrrr* _Oh, for fuck's sake! That was one time!_ Lex thought, tail lashing in irritation as he dropped his head onto Conner's forearm and pretended to ignore her. _I wasn't even after the rabbits, and you know it!_

That just sent Zatanna laughing and patting him on the head, while Clark and Martha gave the two of them a pair of considering looks, and Conner just looked a little confused.

"Did he help with your magic act?" Conner asked, trying to get his bearings in what he thought was a one-sided tale.

Zatanna grinned even wider. "Hmmm, now _there's_ a thought," she said. "Next time maybe I'll have you work for room and board."

Lex just sighed.

"Well, if that's it then," Zatanna said, "you ought to be getting back, right?' she said to Clark.

"Oh, I-- yeah! Ah--" Clark said his goodbyes quickly, then zoomed off.

Zatanna walked over and closed the door behind him, then made to turn and leave herself when something seemed to catch her eye. "Oh!" she said, reaching down and seeming to pluck a cat collar out of the pile, when Lex knew there hadn't been anything there. She must've palmed it, or had it up her sleeve. "Almost forgot this, I see," she said, stepping forward to Lex.

"He has a collar?" Conner asked.

_No,_ thought Lex.

"Doesn't normally wear it, possibly because he can get out of it when it annoys him, but yes, he does," Zatanna said, slowly encircling it around Lex's neck.

_...Technically not a lie,_ Lex thought, because he'd never seen it before in his life, but he knew an explanation when he heard one. He didn't have to wear it. Lex wasn't sure what she was up to, but didn't fight it. He felt an odd warmth around his neck as she buckled it shut, and tried not to start.

At another conspiratorial wink from his magician-on-retainer, Lex realized that it was probably a monitoring device. Zatanna had said she was worried that he might have issues being a cat again so soon, and she wasn't one to sit on her hands and fret not knowing something. That given, the collar was likely the equivalent of a medical alert bracelet, but for magic.

_Thank you, witch-doctor Zatanna?_ he *mrrr*ed at her with amusement. He got another headpat for his trouble.

He twitched his tail as she stepped back. _Your retainer account should have enough to cover this, I believe?_ he said, effectively giving her the authorization to remove more funds.

"It was nice to see you," Martha said, ever the gracious host.

"Yup," said Zatanna, more to Lex than the others, but making it seem otherwise. "Good to see you all, too. --You take care now, all right?" she told Lex, then with a puckish grin, poofed right back out again.

"Hmm," said Martha, eyeing him. "You seem to be a very popular cat."

Lex stared up at her with all the innocence he could muster.

"Um," said Conner. "Why don't you play with Shelby for a bit," he told Lex as he carefully set him down, "and I'll get this stuff put away?"

Lex was happy to do that. He trotted off with Shelby back to Conner's room, while Martha left Conner to deal with the somewhat-middling pile of items necessary for the care and feeding of 'Conner's new responsibility', which he could take care of "all by himself, just like Shelby, right?"

_Personally, I think I got the better end of the deal,_ Lex thought as he settled himself down on a pillow again, and later Conner woke him up to a plate of tuna and saucer of milk in bed (and carefully consumed with a little care for his surroundings).

"So," Conner asked, laying on his stomach and propping his head up on his fists, watching Lex finish eating. "How smart are you, really?"

...Lex wasn't quite sure it was a good idea to answer that. So instead he played 'oh, were you talking to me?' and then yawned widely and curled back up on his pillow again, closing his eyes.

He slitted his eyes open again after a safe while had passed to watch Conner rustle around his bedroom, doing things like clean up the floor and do winter break homework, but when Conner nearly caught him at it he quickly closed them again.

There was a long silence, then Lex heard a "Hmm," a thoughful noise, but that was the extent of it.

With the resumption of what sounded like pencil scratchings, Lex figured that it must have been something with the teen's homework.

~*~*~*~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... yeah. I'm gonna end this one here :) Plot difficulties (a la wanting to go superdark fic, and evil!Lana not behaving in a writable way) are going to have the next main plotty fic not going up anytime soon, either. (The darker stuff tend to take me a while to work through, and my brain needs to be in the "right" place for them.) I might post a few one-shots with Lex in D.C. in the near future / next couple months, but right now I'm thinking the best way around some of this is to switch POV to Clark for awhile.
> 
> Anyway, just an FYI so y'all know what's going on ^_^


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